Friday Foto 11-11-11

Happy 11-11-11!

I pulled this out of the archives because I am going through pictures, organizing, documenting, trying to do all those things I put off doing because I never had the time.   Now, I have some time. Finally!

This was taken back in 2004, when Dash was turning 1, and we lived in Ashland WI.  Since this picture has a 1 in it, and Dash loves numbers and number patterns, I thought it was appropriate for 11-11-11.   It was summer, which is beautiful in Ashland.  I love this picture. I had two small children, Elias was only 2.  That is his small head in the front of the picture.  He is eyeing those berries too.  I am sure it was a very difficult time, with two so small children, so close in age.  But I don't remember it being hard.  I don't remember franticness, lack of sleep, anger, resentment, and all the emotions that go along with motherhood.  I am sure I must have felt all those things and more.  But, what I remember is the good feelings. I remember  how much children this small need their family, that family is central and more important than anything else in the world.  All life revolves around the home.  Naps, meals, diaper changes, nursing, schedules, routines, all these things happen best when close to, or inside, home.  We did children's activities all day.  I pushed the boys in a stroller to the library for story time.  We made play-dough, we took lots of walks, we took lots of naps, the three of us were a unit.  They helped me do laundry, they loved to turn on music and dance while I cooked in the kitchen.  Dash learned to walk.  Elias taught Dash about trains and books.  I taught Elias how to use the potty (which required two weeks where we didn't leave the house/yard so we could be near a potty).  There was no walking around the house to find boys sequestered in their rooms, having self-imposed "alone time", as there is now .  There  was no break from the constant needs of the little children.  And yet, look at that beautiful cake I made!  All for that sweet little baby on his special day.  That cake was totally for him.  The other children got cupcakes.  But Dash got the whole cake placed on his tray.  He had never had something so sweet and special, (besides breast milk).  He loved the berries, and for years after (until this past birthday) he remembered that cake, and asked for it each birthday.  He is my summer baby, so berries were in season, and they taste so good.   I can't believe they are not that little anymore, and that in a blink, another 7 years will pass.  I would love to go back and snuggle that little squishy baby.  

We live in a beautiful world.

a turtle tangled in a plastic bag, its flipper has been amputated by the bag

I don't think I have the courage to face all the damage and suffering I have caused over the span of my life. Unintentional damage and suffering, caused by ignorance, in a country obsessed with stuff and power, instead of sustainability and preserving.  I do not have the stomach to see the result of all the plastic I've used, floating in the ocean, blowing around on the land.  All the toxins made by the making of the cement I walk on, the tar and asphalt I drive on.  The car I drive.  The car I drove, that is now sitting somewhere, doing nothing but making this beautiful world more ugly.  Animals killed, deformed, hurt, but my waste.

And not just animals, but people.  Humans infected with cancers.  Babies in the womb whose brains are damaged by mercury,  fertilizers, herbicides...

I get really depressed about the lack of interest humans have in preserving the environment.  All around me, there are businesses, families, schools, individuals who don't seem to put any thought into preserving the only thing keeping us alive; the planet.  How can the environment not be the #1 thing on the agenda at the every government level?  If the planet suffers, um, we all do.  I can't believe the number of people who simply don't recycle.
Two beautiful film about birds;
The first one is painful,
http://www.midwayjourney.com/

The second celebrates;
http://vimeo.com/31158841


Don't use plastic bags.  Or bottles.  Recycle. Create less waste.  Love more animals.  Treasure the planet.

What a day!

I didn't get enough sleep last night.  I had two little boys come into my bed, one who was "cold" and needed to cuddle, and one who came in because "it's just a habit".  A habit that needs to change if you ask me.  I love cuddling with my children.  But, I need to protect our sleep.  And, they squirmed and kicked all night.  Atticus still turns completely sideways in the night, and rests his feet on my middle.  If I don't get good sleep, I am  wreck the next day. And so are my kids if they don't get enough sleep.  

So, grumpy and tired, this is how I started the day...

I dropped a brand new container of yogurt on the floor.  The whole thing spilled out.  It was the large container, the "family size".  That was breakfast.  It was the yogurt I had been saving for a morning like this, where I was too tired to cook, and decided I would just give them granola and yogurt.  Then, I dropped it on the floor.  We all just stood there, looking.

"Well", as Atticus said as we watched Chance lick up the yogurt and clean the floor "Chance is our hero." Indeed.

On to plan B; Bagel and cream cheese

Anyone for green fuzzy sprinkles?

Ok, this is not going so well.  I did not have a sense of humor yet, it was too early.

  Keep that in mind.

After we figured out breakfast, we moved on.  I was ready to move on.

The boys did not have school.  It is parent-conference day for us, so I had to figure out what to do with all of them, not just the usual "one."

Dash was trying to prove he was a good child, (so don't believe what the teacher tells you in the conference!), so he got out all sorts of activities that were hiding in his closet;  metal embossing, beads for jewelry and Christmas ornaments;

Atticus does have pants on, but that's all I could get him to put on.  Usually he is naked. He loves being naked.  It's a phase. I just hope it's a phase.  

Here he is , fully clothed.  I must have bribed him with candy.

Forts built of cushions.

Playing outside.

Why is it ok when Elias ties Atticus to a tree, but not when I do it?

The witching hour; 5 o'clock, when everyone is ready for food, and they ask for snack, but there are no snacks to be eaten, lest we "spoil out dinner".  So, lets play music!!!

I swear, the chicken is almost done.  I am probably over cooking it, in fear of under cooking it, but it is taking FOREVER.  Soon, we will eat, then hopefully manage bedtime with a glass of wine to help (me that is).  

BTW, the conferences went well.  Not as bad as we were all thinking.  They boys are going to be ok.

And so am I.

Having a moment

Right now I am trying to transition.  There is a big change coming up in our lives, and I am going through all the emotions a transition can bring on; denial, anger, acceptance, happiness, fear, worry, joy, excitement, and all of those over and over again in no recognizable pattern.  My yoga practice is a necessary element in my day.  I feel it has saved my life so to speak, many times.  I started practicing in Nashville, and saw how it could help set my emotional state in balance.   I have continued doing DVD's at home, and am always so thankful for it.  My children are better off for it too.  I like that I am doing yoga at home, where my children can see me do it, and they come into the room, sometimes join me, sometimes just sit and be near me, playing or reading.  Atticus gets the most exposure to it, since he is home with me.  He loves to join in.  There are even days where I don't feel motivated to do it, and he will pull out the yoga mat, and do it himself.  I get inspired, and will join him.

We have a set of yoga pretzel cards, that I always bring on trips.  When we have been stuck in the car all day, or in a small hotel room, and the kids and I need to move, we pull them out.

Tripple down dog

Even Chance gets in the mood

A short movie

This was taken in a hotel room, during our move.

Whenever I feel out of balance, I know I should stop and carve out some yoga time.  I have been doing that a lot these days, as Wade and I try to figure out what we want the next step in our lives to look like.  There have been some difficult decisions made, and some tense moments.  Overall, I can say, I am confident we are going towards where we want to be.  It may take a few months of doing something we don't necessarily like, but it will get us going in the right direction.
We are going to be doing the things we love.  We are going to be deciding with our hearts as well as our heads.  We are going to try to be more balanced.   Just as yoga has taught me to balance my body, my emotions, and now, my life.